A birthday gift of LOVE

You may think this is a late post because it's not Valentine's Day anymore, but it's so on time for my life. It was a marker for me to realize how strong love can be and this is my first time to rest in its realization. While I hope my "he makes my toes curl" love finds and pursues me soon :), my hopes for knowing what love feels like were met in a real and amazing way.

I have had a weird three weeks, to put it lightly; the latest story being that I had an awful stomach virus or food poisoning the day before my birthday (the 14th). And friends, at least half of whom have known me less than 6 months, cared for me in ways that proved that real love can't be bought, bargained for, or earned.

At so many junctures of my life I can look back and see how I have tried to make people love me, do things to be loved more, or prove that I am deserving of love. It might have worked for a little, but it didn't satisfy, and didn't last.

What I have been learning in the last few months from both God and people is that real love is freeing. It's beautiful and it makes you feel alive. Yes, sometimes it's hard, but then again sometimes it's easy. It's not always fun. But there are times that it is joyous. And sometimes it requires taking a more difficult way. But real love, it's powerful and it lasts.

One of my favorite scriptures right now is found in Song of Solomon 8:7, "Many waters can not quench [the flame of] love nor will rivers overflow it..." It goes on to say that someone can spend all their riches to buy love, but that they wouldn't be able to -it'd be despised. Really think about love like that...a flame that doesn't go out even when a lot of water touches it.

More and more I am realizing the real issue that I and that we all are dealing with is wanting to know love. Real love. Love that doesn't require us to be anyone different and will accept us for who we are, where we are. That's the kind of love that heals us and gives us freedom to live out our deepest self.

I have found myself addicted to things because I was looking for that kind of love. Found myself holding on too long and too tight hoping I could squeeze love out. Even found myself trying to shake love awake when it seemed to be sleeping or even dead. But I don't want to live like that anymore.

My real prayer is that I keep my heart open to receive love and know love. And as I better understand and know love I want to give love in that same measure.

Meeting God as a Healer

Friday night I met God as a healer.

I have taken communion. I have heard and spoken that Jesus shed His blood so that we could be free from sickness and disease. But, I admit Friday was the first time I truly grabbed hold to the wonder working power of the blood.

Friday night I met God as the One who has compassion and is moved when we are sick.

I have read the stories in the Bible of how Jesus was moved with compassion and healed. I have had hands laid on me to receive the healing power of God. But, Friday I receved a glimpse of what it means to have faith, even as small as a mustard seed and see the power of God at work.

A little over two weeks ago I started coughing. A consistant cough that wouldn't go away and surely didn't seem to be moved by medicine. I didn't think much of it as I wasn't running a fever, didn't have body aches, and needed to keep up with both work and school.

Friday though, I realized that I needed to see a doctor. Diagnosis = pnuemonia. I got a little nervous as my first thought was the stories of people I'd heard with walking pnemonia dropping dead because they could still function while being sick. My second thought was a bit of an disapointed response as I had just come off of an intensified time of seeking God and now this. Thirdly, I knew I needed to call people to pray.

A friend with insight and faith invited me to come to a healing service. My friends both near and far started praying. I made up in my mind to believe. And with the reminders of faithful encouraging friends I have kept believing and am still feeling/seeing his healing power at work in my body.

Lord I believe, help my unbelief - that has been the cry of my heart all day. Lord, help my unbelief.

My good friend Desi reminded me today - what's the point if we aren't going to believe? What is the point?

What is the point in which we decide to choose faith over fear? What is the point in which we decide to move forward in our faith instead of going backwards, or even staying in the same place. Where is the point when we let the voice of victory drown out the voices of defeat?

Friday night I met God as a healer.

His Word is true when he tells us that by His stripes we are healed. His Word is true when He tells us to shout with a voice of triumph.
Lord, help my unbelief.

Getting UNstuck

So lately I have been feeling very stuck. I don't know if you've ever been there, but its that feeling where you know something is shifting, but you aren't quite sure how to flow along with it...oh, and added with the feeling that the energy to shift if you could actually know how to shift is gone.
Stuck.
I met with a friend/spirtual advisor early this week and he encouraged me to trying praying in new and creative ways in seeking God to find energy and freedom. One of the things he suggested that I do is to write a prayer to God and imagine what His answers may be. I want to share with you my prayer...

Frenika: God, I feel really unsure about everything right now.
God: Why?
Frenika:I am not quite sure how to move forward and a little bit at a loss for what I should be doing now. My energy is gone and I am not even close to where I thought I would be right now.
God:Let my joy be your strength.

I had to think about this. I like laughing, but I guess there are some areas that I haven't let joy reign in/on. I do think when I let that joy saturate into those places. The passion and energy will be there as well.

Lord, help me to let your joy saturate my heart, saturate my life, and saturate all that I do. In Jesus' name.

Caretakers

It's been a while since I have written last. My life has honestly been a blur of regular work, school work, and moving. My latest adventure includes moving into an intentional Christian community in the Chinatown area of Washington, D.C. Through all the hiccups and the challenges of living in a new space, with new people, and still trying to put my phone and/or my glasses in the same place everyday to find them, it has been a beautiful thing to learn what it means to live in relationship with others.

Last night, I had an experience that made me realize that I need to start writing again. At about 2 a.m. my roomie, suitemate, another member of the community and I engaged in a conversation on which I am still reflecting. The other member of the community who was in this conversation is about as opposite from me as one can get - first this member was a he, he is also very tall, and he is also white. He is from a part of the country where 50 degrees is considered a heatwave, whereas I will make sure to have my coat handy if it even appears the temperature will dip below 60 degrees. He shared an experience that bothered him as a male and challenged us females that we needed to stand up for him in certain situations. I admit, initially I was a little skeptical - as in how often does one who is in the majority culture need someone to stand up on their behalf in the face of injustice? Not often, if at all. Yet, if it did, would I be willing to stand up for him?

I started thinking about the role God gave Adam when he was planted on this earth - to be a caretaker. Not only did Adam name things, but he was placed in charge of tending and keeping things in order. Yes, a lot of things changed after the fall, but I still believe we are called to be caretakers - especially of each other.

What would the world look like if we stood up for some injustice against someone else? How much stronger would our relationships be if we chose to challenge each other - not through judging each other, but a challenge to grow in truth and in love? How much would the world be changed if we, instead of silently sitting by waiting for someone else to stand up, took a stand?

Our stand sometimes doesn't even have to be that deep. It may be standing up to say one thoughful thing to each person you encounter in a day. It may be sitting with the homeless person simply to find out how their day went. Perhaps it is asking your boss if there is something you can be praying and beleiving with him or her.

I pray the prayer of St Francis of Assisi...

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

Take off Your Shoes...

There are two places in Bible when God has asked someone to take off their shoes because where they stood was holy. Both on Thursday night, a guest minister, and on today, my pastor each used one of these scriptures. My pastor (check out http://www.faicm.org/) today shared with us that the holy ground marked a place of victory and a place of prosperity and abundance.

I asked God to show me what he was saying to me through taking off my shoes upon standing on holy ground. The response I heard was this, "Be still and know that I am God." I didn't understand it at all at first, and asked God again what He was speaking to me through these scriptures. Again, I heard, "Be still and know that I am God."

I thought about it for a minute, mostly thinking on the purpose of shoes. Though barefoot running is coming back in style, most people wouldn't dream of walking out of their home without shoes (if they can help it). The last thing I do when preparing to leave is putting on my shoes. Shoes signify movement or preparing to go somewhere.

So when God was telling me to be still and know, I really believe He was telling me take off my shoes, stand in this place of knowing Him- this place is holy.

It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle. It's even easier to get caught up in just life. One thing happens, and then another thing, and then you have to take care of something else. And your 8 a.m. day time start on what you really need to be doing turns into a 6 p.m. start.

Take off your shoes. Be still and know.

I know that I am in a season of some turning points. These turning points are bringing me into my place of victory and also into my place of abundance.

But right now Lord, my shoes are off and I will be still and know...

Treasure

Life is funny in that there are times that you can seem to know exactly what you need to do to get things done. The energy is there, the drive is there, the desire is there, and the resources are there. But what do you do in the times when you aren't quite sure what to do, what to pray, don't have a sense of how things are going to happen, simply feeling drained, or not knowing where the resources are coming from? And why do these times seem to come when you need the answers the most?

I thought about the man who sold all His possessions to buy a field because it had a treasure in it. As I read this scripture in Matthew 13, another scripture jumped out at me in verse 16, "But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear. " In the times when we really don't seem to know what to do, we need to declare this over ourself...blessed are our eyes because they see the vision....blessed are our ears because they hear the answers.

Back now to the man with the field...
1) He found the treasure
2) Got excited about it and decided it was worth having no matter what the cost
3) Sold all his stuff to buy the field
4) Bought the field so that the treasure would be rightfully his

It's work to find the hidden treasure and once we do find it, it requires us to make a choice - how bad do we want that treasure? We find hidden treasure in prayer, in spiritual growth, in the Word of God, but even then we have to make a choice - how bad do we want it? It's work to have spiritual disciplines. It's work to fast, to pray, to live Christlike...but I'm starting to believe it's not enough to stay just there. How bad do we want this treasure? This man sold all he had to buy the field. It cost Him everything. I can imagine a conversation this man had with his family...

Family Member: You're about to sell all your stuff to buy a field?!? You already have a great house!

Man: But there's something in this field I need...

Family Member: Well, why don't you get another job and save your money...I mean your training in your field was exceptional, I am sure you can save enough money to buy it and keep your stuff too...you just seem a little too eager to be getting this field

Man: No, the cost is great and it will take me years to save that kind of money. Something is telling me that I have to have it now...

Family Member: Well, I think it's crazy...don't ask me to stay here when your field floods...

How bad do we want the treasure God has for us? When we realize how great and how exciting it is I believe the enemy tries to make us wonder if this is the field we should really have. We wonder if this treasure is all its cracked up to be..."I mean there are probably a thousand other fields that have better treasure on them." So we wait for another field or do nothing more at all. And sometimes obstacles come that try to keep us from "making enough money." So we are never able to buy it - and that treasure we found is never rightfully ours.

I am changing the subject abruptly, but I'll come back....Bartering is such a great way to get things you don't have, or to get something that's of worth for something you don't consider valuable or as valuable anymore. So why do we find it so hard to trade our sorrows for joy, or our fear for love, or even our doubt for faith? Why is it so difficult to let go of the hindrances, the hurt, the pain, and the scars? When God asks us in Isaiah 55 why we buy bread that doesn't fill us, or labor without satisfaction, I really believe He is asking us, "why don't you want to spend your money to get this field? - that's where the treasure is."

As I finish this post - it doesn't feel finished. I still don't know exactly what to do. I feel overwhelmed by a lot of things and unsure about even more. But, more than ever I am realizing that my true heart's desire is not to just see the treasure in the field - I want it.

Don't Get Lost

Some Sundays I ride the bus to the National Mall. My activities vary between people watching, reading, or simply walking around. I was in a walking mood the last time I went and saw two women sitting on a bench while about five or six children ran around them. As I got closer, one of the women took the hand of a child and started walking across the grassy area. They couldn't have walked more than ten steps when a four-year-old girl yelled out, "MOM!!!!!!!" The woman turned around and looked at her. The little girl continued with the most serious face that a four-year-old could muster, "Don't get lost."

Though I initially chucked, as I thought more I realized that themes of being lost, or conversely, staying on course by being guided, run throughout the Bible. We see God throughout the Old Testament as a Shepherd - not only guiding, but seeking lost sheep. We learn in the New Testament more about Christ's mission - there are the parables of the lost coin and the shepherd who goes after that one lost sheep.

That little girl's voice rang in my ears for a few days, and I realized there are moments when I feel lost. I may think I am going one way for a reason, and when I look up time has flown and I seem nowhere near the place I had in mind. But, in those same moments, I trust I am being guided - and the beauty of having a Shepherd floods my soul.

Usually, resolutions seem more appropriate at the year's beginning. But, today I ask US to make one. I say “us” because I don’t want to leave myself out of this one! Continue to let the Shepherd guide us. Continue to let His will be done in our lives. His path is always best, and He doesn't ever want us to be lost. So, today I remind you, and I remind myself, "don't get lost."